Lys
by Katherinehgt
Summary: *Kind* of AU. Post 8x22 ; An unexpected revelation comes shake up Castle and Beckett's world.
1. Chapter 1

**Note Below, but do know that for the sake of this story, Beckett only got shot in the shoulder.  
**

The regular blip of a machine she knows all too well is the first thing she wakes up to.

That and a flash of pain that seizes her whole arm from the base of her left shoulder to the very tip of her fingers, making her moan loudly. Her eyelids seem to feel lighter, less of a crushing weight against her eyeballs. As she opens her eyes to take her surroundings in, let the familiar scent reaffirm what she can see, everything rushes back to her, memories of what happened flooding her and she lets out a grunt, tears already escaping from the corners of her eyes.

Everything is confused and heavy, the room stifling with it.

"Cas-" her voice breaks around the dryness of her throat, making her cough violently and cry out against the bright pain surging once again, reaching her stomach this time. She can't fight the sob from breaking free, her head turning on the side so that her teeth can catch the rough fabric under her head as her eyes screw shut.

"Katie, Katie, shh."

A hand settles on one of hers, the touch both hesitant and desperate and she knows that voice. Yet, she can't bring herself to open her eyes.

"Stay calm, Katie. You're okay, you're okay." She's not sure whether he's talking to her or simply reassuring himself, but it does the trick and she slowly curls her hand around his, looks at him as tears keep rolling down her cheeks.

"Daddy," she rasps and watches as her dad springs into action, holding a straw to her lips so as she can clear and cool her abused throat.

"I know, sweetheart. You got us scared there for a moment." He smiles, but it's strained, not quite reaching his eyes. Taking in his face, she can't help but notice how weary and tired he looks, how older. Something is wrong, she can feel it radiating off him.

God, Castle, no.

Her lungs contract painfully, the air making itself terse as more tears escape, her head thrashing from one side to another.

"No, please," she gasps as every movement makes the pain in her left arm come alight.

"I know it hurts, I know," he soothes, brushing off her hair from her face and wiping at her damp cheeks. "Your doctor won't be long but Katie-" he chokes, his own eyes blurry with tears.

"Castle, no," her breath stutters, her chest heaving, the pain cracking her ribs apart, leaving her breathless, heart frantically pounding. He can't be dead, she can't be the reason she's lost him, they were just-

"Hey, Rick's fine. He's lost a lot of blood and he will certainly need more physical therapy than you, but he's doing great, Katie. In fact, he's been fighting the nurses to see you before falling asleep not long ago." He smiles but still, it's teary and she doesn't understand.

Frowning, she tries to get a hold on her breathing, sniffing.

"If he's fine then..?"

Her father is about to answer, but a tall, fairly young man comes in, wearing a white loose blouse above a clear blue shirt.

"Mrs. Castle, glad to see you joining us! How are you feeling?"

Letting her eyes track him as he walks closer to the bed, she wets her lips the space between her eyebrows narrowing as he flashes a light above her eyes from one side to another..

"I- I don't know. Just, what's going on?" They're hiding something from her. First her dad, and she can see her doctor doesn't look quite as glad she he lets on. "Can I see Castle?"

First thing, first.

"Ah, your husband, yes. Mr. Castle woke up shortly before you and was very _well_ aware. He will be brought here once he wakes up, don't worry." Again he smiles but there's still something left unsaid, and she has had enough.

"Okay, what is it?" She shoots a look to her dad who avoids her gaze and then to her doctor who's regarding her with a pity she doesn't understand – nor want.

"There is something you need to know, but we would like to tell you both at the same time. Nothing to worry about. Not for now anyway, you need to rest some more, sleep off the medication. You took a bullet to your shoulder and it hit a nerve, this is still a concern. Can you move your fingers for me ?"

She wriggles her fingers with a huff, her annoyance towards both men in the room starting to get on her every _nerve_.

"Good. Please call a nurse if you start to feel tingles or if you lose sensation in a part of your arm. I'm gonna raise your medication so you can rest. I promise, everything will be explained to you in time." Smiling, he nods to her dad before retreating, his blouse flying behind him.

Her dad stays silent next to her, his eyes staring at the ground, still grim, and all she wants is to _know._

But before she can even ask, her whole body gets heavier and heavier and blackness overcomes her.

* * *

The second time she opens her eyes, he's the first thing she sees and it instantly brings tears pricking at the corners of her eyes. Damn painkillers.

"Castle," she chokes, a hand hovering over her mouth as he gives her a watery smile of his own.

"Hey there, sleeping beauty. I was just about to come and kiss you. Took you long enough." Crackling smiling eyes lock with hers, the warmth of it like a blanket around them both.

She sobs on a laugh, smiling wide and stretching her right arm toward him. "Please."

His own arm comes with a bit of difficulty as his eyebrows flex with concentration, but thankfully they're pretty close and she does most of the reaching. His hand wraps around her own, fingers intertwining, and her smile softens. "I- God, Castle. They were all looking at me like you were dead and I-"

"Hey, shh. I'm fine, see?" She feels his hand squeeze her with emphasis, making her bite her lips to keep from letting yet another sob free. "But let me call someone. You're right, they also acted pretty strangely around me."

Nodding, she lets him hit the button as she allows herself to relax – as much as she can.

"I'm not cleaning up the kitchen, by the way," he blurts out lightly, looking at her so seriously she could hit him.

"Castle!" she admonishes with a laugh, slowly shaking her head at him.

"Too soo-"

"Ah, both awake, I see!"

They turn to look at their doctor, who they apparently haven't heard coming in. He walks around, looking at their charts one after the other, nodding to himself before looking back at them, arms crossed.

"I'm afraid there is no easy way to say what I'm about to say, and giving your conditions I need you both to stay calm and not panic, understood?"

Swallowing hard, she shoots a look at Castle, her hold on his hand tightening.

"Well, shouldn't have said that," he grunts, his hand squeezing in return as he keeps staring at their doctor.

"Kate," he starts, looking at her, "did you know you were pregnant?"

It comes like a bomb, the blow hitting hard, leaving open wounds and horrified gaps.

Frowning fiercely, she shakes her head.

"I- No, I'm. Am I?" She sees the way her doctor's jaw tightens, sees the breath escaping him. "Did I- Did I lose him?" she chokes, a hand flying to press against her stomach, making her gasp and jerk violently as the tears come back, stronger this time.

"Kate." She screws her eyes shut as she hears Castle, the hurt lacing her name. Hurt for her, for them.

"Not exactly." Her eyes snaps open. "She's well alive and she's doing really great, which is highly surprising. She's a fighter this one." He smiles sweetly at them both as they stare at him dumbly.

"What do you mean, she?" Castle asks, something raw.

The doctor redirects his eyes to Kate. "Kate, you've done what we call a denied pregnancy. Your body came under too much stress and we had to get to her while operating your shoulder, it's a chance she made herself known and we were able to see it. However, she's born two months premature and we're keeping her on a continuous positive airway pressure until her lungs get big enough. Other than that, she should be just fine."

"Oh god," Kate gasps, hiding her face in the cushion, silently sobbing but still holding her husband's hand with a renewed strength.

Castle clears his throat trying to sit up but failing with a groan, tears of his own rolling down his cheeks.

"Please, stay calm. It happens more than you'd think. Your baby might have produced scant amounts of HCG, and that's how she went under the radar. Neither your body or mind was aware of her, at all. This lack of HCG also explains why she came out prematurely, simply because she didn't get enough resources from you as she would have needed to. It would have happened eventually even if you hadn't been shot." Watching the shocked parents, he walks to the new mom, circling her ankle. "Keep in mind that she is as healthy as can be, it's just a matter of time now. She is small, but that will change very fast."

"When can we see her ?" Castle is the first to speak up, brushing his tears off his cheeks.

"As soon as you two are ready, we can wheel you to her. But please, don't push it, if you don't feel capable, she's well taken care of."

"Like hell." Castle's voice booms in the small around, his thumb tracing light circles on his wife's hand. Kate is still staring ahead without really seeing, breath ragged and silent tears still running.

"Fine. I will call a nurse and she will get you both to her in a moment, but you have to take it easy."

4 days ago, they took down Loksat and got shot inside their own home.

Today, they had a baby.

 _TBC._

 **Alright, I know. It's been ages since I've updated *anything*. Fear not, this one should be a two-shots, which means it WILL be completed, yaaaay? Also, like I said it's been a while, so I'm a lil bit rusty and this didn't write itself exactly the way I wanted it to, but it just wanted out, so. Still felt selfish to keep it to myself.**

 **For the medical/pregnancy part. It might make some of you cringe but I did some research, read *a lot* and even if it happens rarely it *is* possible. Please, don't ever take a stomach ache lightly, you could end up giving birth in your car, nice isn't it! If you still can't run with it, just imagine they live in an universe where it is possible, kay? okay. I just wanted to write something slightly different.**

 **Thanks Alex for beta-ing this :)**

 _twitter : Katherinehgt_


	2. Chapter 2

**Note below.** **  
**

 _Fyi, Lys is from Fleur-de-Lys. French for Lilies_

* * *

"Kate." It comes in a breath, as light and quiet as a late night summer breeze, only meant to reach her ears, and hers only. And she knows. She knows what he means, knows what he wants to share with her so badly but can't bring himself to; the wonder a fierce beast making its claws inside her chest, settling heavy, her heart contorting with each passing beat, breath shallow.

She understands now, understands what Castle has once told her. The surge of love and protectiveness now pumping strong in her veins, overcoming her every sense just at the sight of the tiny sleeping form. She already knows she would do anything to protect that life, so incredibly delicate and depending - on her.

A life she unconsciously ignored for over six months, deprived from what she needed most.

It hurts. It hurts to know she's the reason she can't hold her own child, the reason her husband can't hold their baby.

She's been watching him as they sit both in their respective wheelchair, facing the imposing incubator housing their daughter. Looking at the way his eyes painfully travel the tiny length of their peacefully sleeping baby, swallowing hard as she sees his fingers flex and fist, longing to touch her, get to know the feel of her. But they can't - she's to stay in there for another few days and they're in no condition to hold her safely. They know it, but it doesn't make it any less painful.

And yet, she can't brush off the joy that makes her nerves tingle, the hairs at the back of her neck stand up. It isn't quite joy, there is too much helplessness and guilt behind it, but it's close, oh so close.

She can't bring herself to believe that they have a baby, so suddenly. She didn't know she would feel that way. She expected fear, panic even. However, she's never felt so calm. She doesn't know if it's the whooshing sound of the machine, the quietness surrounding them or the tiny chest falling and rising before her, equally tiny fingers forming fists to then open up wide.

 _Hi, Mommy._

"What if she thinks we don't love her?" She knows it sounds innocent and weak but what if she doesn't? What if she knows – somehow- that she'd been ignored all this time? Unknown to the world, and to her own mother. Utterly alone.

His arm comes to curl around her shoulders with a grunt, squeezing her closer to him as he angles his face to rest his lips against her hairline, inhaling. "If she did think that, she'll know better now, because won't leave her, ever." He presses his lips once more before slightly backing up to look at her, a finger angling her jaw toward him. "You are not to blame, hear me? This is not your fault."

She frowns under his scrutinizing look, trying to keep the tears at bay as hard as she can.

"I just- I failed her even before knowing about her at all, what kind of mother does that make me, Castle?" she rushes, tears clogging her throat, voice breaking around his name. She sniffs loudly, the back of her right hand brushing under each eye. His hold tightens around her jaw, head slowly shaking at her, his gaze steady on her.

"Not being able to move is hell, Beckett. And you gotta stop this if you don't want me pulling off my stitches twice a day," he rumbles, and she gives him a tight watery smile, her face turning into his hand to kiss the warm skin, staying there, eyes closed for a moment. "You heard the doctor, there is no way you would have known. It has nothing to do with you, just our usual luck." His fingers slowly slither along her cheek, the touch heavy with such an overwhelming love she has to move forward and cup his jaw, her lips coming to brush over his own feather-like, her eyes screwed shut, the crease between her eyebrows fiercely narrowing.

Sadly, the pain in her stomach quickly makes her retreat with a heavy sigh. She opens her eyes on him smiling softly at her, redirecting his and her own gaze to their daughter, whose legs keep kicking away.

"You will be and already are an amazing mom, Kate," he states, eyes glued to the very awake little girl showing off for them, clasping her hand firmly inside his. "Look at her, Kate, barely four pounds and already kicking butts and taking names like her mother." He turns to her with wide, falsely surprised blue eyes, his lips into a lopsided grin.

A bright bubbling laugh pushes through her lips, and her hand flies to cover her mouth, eyes laughing as the girl froze hearing her mother.

"Oh, sorry sweetheart. Gotta get used to that."

* * *

Two weeks later, they're announced that their daughter can now be taken out of her nest a couple hours a day. The news is enough to brighten both of the parents' faces.

Although Kate is the only one able to hold the newborn, her husband is as close as he can get, their shoulders pressed against one another.

Both watch silently as a nurse gently gets the sleeping infant out, helping the new mother to get a good hold of her, the transition slightly awkward for a moment. Kate's left arm still being held in a loose sling, she tries to support the tiny girl solely in the crook of her right arm, the hand secured at the oversized diaper-clad bottom. She lets her eyes track over the girl, both amazed and horrified to see her fit so well against only one of her arms. She only gazes at her, can't use her other arm and it brings a fierce frustration that sends tears to her eyes, her left hand fisting, and she has to stifle a moan biting her lips.

She then feels fingers under her eyes, a soft caress that makes her face duck towards their daughter, hair escaping from her falling bun. "I remember Alexis being small, but this is. . ." He doesn't finish, the wonder stealing his words, his breath, his thoughts – everything.

The girl stretches suddenly, arms flying on both sides, fingers splayed wide as she gently smacks her lips, face angling towards her father before settling once again.

Kate chokes, emotions swirling wide, raging. "She wants you, Castle."

Castle slowly turns to her further, resting his chin on her shoulder, grimacing before looking down at her, smiling gently. "I-" he halts, hiding his face in her neck taking a deep, ragged breath, as if trying to find reassurance and comfort, and she gently angles her chin to his forehead, giving it all to him. "I can't. I would hurt or upset her." She freezes against him with a frown as he carries on, "Babies sense everything, Kate. If the pain makes me tense and it _will_ , she'd feel it."

Kate nods slowly, her thumb moving in circles against the diaper. "She's so small, I feel like I could break her just moving an inch," she breathes, watching as her husband manages to lift a hand, one of his fingers coming to rest weightlessly against their daughter's open palm.

Both of their breaths catch as the tiny hand closes around the finger, barely getting all the way around it.

"Oh, baby," Kate laughs nudging the side of Castle's forehead with her nose, "Already such a daddy's girl."

"Just you wait for her to open her eyes and see you, babe. She'll be done for." Smiling sweetly, he rises his head to look at her, the love outpouring from his eyes, the corners crinkling with it as he approaches slowly to kiss the harsh arc of her cheekbone with a low grunt.

She knows it comes from the pain, and yet she can't suppress the short intake of breath, desire and adoration pooling low in her stomach as one of his free fingers comes stroking the small ear with a delicacy she's rarely ever witnessed before.

They'll be fine.

* * *

They won't be _fine._ Nothing about this is _fine._

"You can't be serious?" she more or less yells, the nurse wincing and moving her arm in a gesture that means to be appeasing.

 _Not a chance_.

"Look, from the moment you're being discharged, we can't allow you to stay after visiting hours, that's our policy."

"Then don't discharge me!" She knows there is no reason to for her to stay, the wound at her shoulder is coming along nicely and physical therapy awaits her, still.

The nurse smiles apologetically. "Your husband will also be discharged in the following week, that's how it works, I'm sorry."

"So, if I understand well, you expect us to just walk away from here, from our _baby_?" she spits with a huff, jaw set hard.

She's failed her daughter once already, she sure as hell won't do it again – _can't._

"I'm saying, you can come see her during the day but we can't have you here all day and night. She won't know, you know? Plus, it's only for a short month now." The nurse lowers her eyes, checking if all papers are in orders, oblivious of the silently fuming detective.

A loud sudden slap makes the young nurse jump in her seat, wide eyes shooting up.

"See this badge? _I am_ the authority, don't make me repeat," she drags on slowly but nonetheless threatening. It's a lie, mostly. She's not supposed to use her badge for personal purpose and there's nothing she'd be allow to do, but the nurse doesn't seem to know it, and she'd be damned if she'd just turn her back on her own daughter when she needed her the most.

 _Hell no._

The nurse glares at her, assessing, and slowly, Kate sees the fight leave the small woman as she sighs with a disapproving shake of her head.

And she knows, she's won.

Yet, it doesn't feel like a victory.

* * *

"Hey sweetheart," Kate starts quietly, the sleeping baby resting on her arm. It's late, the light around them considerably dimmed, the nursery silent but for hushed background noises. "Do you like your new onesie?" Slowly, she pads her fingers over the smooth bright green fabric, her eyes tracing the small elephant on the front. "I bought it just for you, hope you like it even if it's a little big," she says as some sort of a question.

Obviously, being such a sudden surprise, Castle and herself had talked about getting furniture for her room, clothes, bottles, a stroller – everything she needs and will need. Castle hadn't been discharged yet, so they had agreed that she could buy the small things and they could order the rest on the internet together. And so, she had taken a few hours of her days not devoted to physical therapy or her daughter to stroll around in shops she had rarely set foot in. It had made everything so very real, checking sizes that were all too big for the girl, looking at stuffed animals that were almost bigger than she is.

It hurt.

She just couldn't shake off the constant guilt always nagging at her.

Couldn't forgive her own traitorous body, mind, whatever.

"Daddy misses you a lot, you know?" She lowers her chin to the tickling fine hair, nosing. Taking in her daughter's scent, her eyes closing. She has been alternating between staying with her husband and her daughter but she likes coming here at night best, there is something to be said about the lulling atmosphere that just isn't the same once the busy days start. Though, the nursery is where she's been spending also most of her days. Castle's been sleeping so much lately, gathering strength, slowly but surely healing for them both. "But. He _is_ getting better, he's strong," she affirms firmly to the little girl, as though she absolutely has to know. "You are, too, baby. So strong. Thanks for having hang in there, kid." Her breath rattles slightly under the weight of the emotions swelling up her throat. "I am sorry, so sorry. I've never meant any of this."

She inches her head slightly away from the baby's head to look at her face. "Do you think you can forgive me?"

The moment the words are out, the girl's eyes flutter open, gaze locking with her mother's, mouth in a slight pout, hand flying towards her.

Kate chokes on a laugh, catching the small hand with her left hand, shoulder be damned.

"Oh, hi, beautiful," she sighs, afraid to break the spell, "I'll take that as a yes."

And as she stares at the innocent face, feels the strong bond taking place. She realizes something.

She needs a name.

 _TBC_

 **I wanna thank you all guys, feedback was sweet. I'm just really happy you like it. Fyi, this will probably be three or four chapters long, I'm not really sure yet but I know I don't want to drag this too much. This isn't really about length. I don't wanna somehow get lost and get away from my main goal - which is to see how Castle and Beckett learn to live with first, the trauma of the shooting and second (and mosty), the "sudden" birth of a baby they didn't even know about.**

 **Also kudos to Alex and her beta superpowers**

 _Be aware next update might not come as fast as that one did, work tends to be pretty hard on me, siiiigh. Shouldn't be more than a week, tho_ ** _._**

 _twitter:_ _Katherinehgt_


	3. Chapter 3

**Note below**

Since they got back home a week ago, she spends her days doing research. The kind of research she would have done while pregnant and probably anxious about every little thing, even though Castle would have been there to whisper his love and reassurance in her ear, a hand lying and stroking above their child. It went from looking at what the fetus look like at different stages of the pregnancy, to how to calm morning sickness – though, that one was just pure curiosity – to what her belly should've looked like. She thoughtfully presses a hand there, trying to picture how she would have felt about it. How Castle would have looked at her, touched her. Would he have been more gentle, conscious of the growing life she carried, or would have he been more possessive and protective. Perhaps all of the above?

She likes to think that she would have loved it – being pregnant. With _his_ baby.

Yet, she knows they would have both been constantly on the edge with Loksat still out there, a real threat for their lives -for their baby's. She can't even begin to imagine waking up from surgery only to find out about her baby being dead, killed by a bullet, before even being born.

Because of her. Always because of her.

She also knows she wouldn't have survived it; their relationship wouldn't have survived it.

She shakes her head, her fingers running on the tactile pad to rouse the laptop, no need to dwell onto something that didn't happen. No – what happened was a true miracle, and she's never been so grateful, she needs to focus on that. Smiling tiredly, she turns her head toward the bassinet just beside their bed where she's sitting crossed-legged, gazes at the sleeping baby.

Neither could bring themselves to let her sleep in _her_ room.

Him, because he states that they're in no condition to walk up and down the stairs all night, but she knows he also wants her close.  
Her, mostly because of some complementary research she's done about newborn and premature babies and all the difficulties it sometimes brings along.

She's had nightmares about finding her baby lifeless in her crib.

" _Welcome to motherhood!"_ Castle had said, not in the least helping her to fight the fear that had resided in her stomach, making her nauseous for days.

But she knows what to look for and what to do now, she has a long list etched in her brain.

She isn't a hard baby, granted, she wakes more than she should but they were warned of that. Just the result of having to be constantly woken up for a feed or check up, it would take longer than average for her to find the right rhythm.

The harder part is managing to take care of her when they're both at their lowest. PT is hard on Castle, she sees how exhausted and drained out he is when he's back from a session, even though he tries to put on a brave face and be there for them. She knows what it feels like, and yet he manages so much better than she had.

Shutting the laptop closed, she lays it down on the floor to let herself relax and enjoy the silence as Castle gently snores next to her, taking a very well deserved nap.

Like father like daughter.

The issue for her is nothing physical, sure, she is not even near to being at her usual top, but her shoulder barely even hurts anymore, the stitches long gone. However, the weight of responsibility and guilt that overcomes her every time she takes a look at her daughter, or looks at her husband struggling to hold their baby girl, or at the kitchen floor still painted in blood, won't go away, won't stop nibbling at her brain, making her edgy and tense.

It's slowly getting better, though. She tries to tell herself there is no way she could have known, that ignoring her wasn't a conscious choice. Still, she still feels betrayed by herself, still doesn't trust herself to do things right. Constantly scared to mess something up.

But he helps.

"Hey, what'u doin'," she hears him slur, his face smashed against his cushion, looking up at her with glassy, still not focused eyes.

Smiling tightly, she brushes a hand over the strand of hair falling over his forehead. "Just thinking."

"Thinking too loud," he grumbles, a yawn making him slightly wince.

"Am I?" She laughed, disbelieving, an amused smile flirting with her lips.

"Yup, 'Woke me," he hummed, rubbing his face further into the sleek brown fabric as his eyes flutter shut once again, although she knows he's not under yet.

She falls quiet, lets him decide if he wants to fall back asleep or eventually come back to her fully.

However, the baby seems to decide for him anyway as she starts whimpering, not quite full on crying, but still pitiful and loud enough to make a point.

"Stay put, babe. I'll take her with me in the living room to feed her so you can rest."

She starts throwing her legs out of the bed to stand when she feels fingers gripping her arm.

"No," he groans, the sheet rustling as he slowly drags himself to a seat, back resting heavily against the headboard. "Just go fetch a bottle, I'll hold her."

"Ah, Castle- I"

"No," he interrupts firmly, eyes intend on her. The way he stares at her almost prevents her from looking away, lets her no room to argue. "You're not supposed to do this alone. You once told me you wouldn't let me take care of our baby on my own. Well, it goes both ways, just hand her to me before she really starts getting upset."

She nods breaking from his hold to let her eyes travel the room with a sigh. She walks to the crib at her side and gently slides her hands under the baby's head and body, bringing her close. Stepping back towards Castle, she presses her lips against the girl's thin hair with a low hum, soothing.

"Hey, look at me," he rumbles, taking the girl with ease and cradling her where she knows it won't hurt – much. "I know you think you owe us a debt, her mostly, and I know what you've been doing. But Kat-"

"Yes, I know. It's not my fault."

"It's not. She's fine, Kate." He smiles up at her, the love shining bright in his eyes as a hand brushes over the tiny wriggling feet. "She's great."

Nodding, she takes the hand he then holds out, giving it a firm squeeze.

She would come to a place where she'd be able to believe it, she would.

She just doesn't know when exactly.

* * *

They decided together to name her Lily.

It's strange, she thinks, that he didn't even try odd, embarrassing names just to pick at her. That's not where they are yet, everything is still so fresh. She misses what they used to be, and she knows that she's the one shutting him out, or more accurately, shutting herself out. She doesn't mean to do it, she just spaces out from time to time, or gets too worried and self-conscious to let herself relax and he senses it. Even though he often tries to light up the mood, he doesn't push if he sees she's not receptive to it. He just holds her against him with his lips against her temples, gently swaying until he feels her limbs give out.

Lily.

She's not sure which came up with the name first, nor where it came from. She knows she loves Lilies and she remembers them being her mom's favorite. But other than that? She doesn't know. Though, she's a hundred percent sure it fits her perfectly. She's their glowing little flowers, who they somehow made unknowingly and who she unconsciously grew inside. She certainly didn't get enough of what she needed to grow out as she should have but she's now blossoming before their eyes, amazing them each day a little bit more. She _will_ make sure she would never lack anything, especially not her parents - never.

Looking at herself in the mirror, she slowly shakes her head.

"Beckett ?" she hears her husband yell, probably from the kitchen.

"Coming."

Giving a last slight touch to her makeup, she fixes her hair in a messy bun before stepping out of the bathroom and walking to the living room, immediately reaching in the crib to get her baby. Holding her front to her chest, she carefully rests a hand over her little neck and head as she heads to where Castle is dancing around the kitchen almost with his usual ease, his movements barely strained.

"When is everyone supposed to be here ?" he asks, shooting her a look in between two stirrings and before taking a look at the oven.

"I think we settled on five? I didn't want them to stay too late, so-"

"Hey, five's perfect. Just enough for me to finish here and perhaps take a short nap? If you can watch her for a little while." He cuts the burners to let the bolognese sauce rest on the side, then focuses back on her. She sees him watch the way the girl kicks at her abdomen with a strength she rarely has displayed before, her head turning to the side as she pulls out her tongue eyes wide, openly staring at her father.

Kate huffs a laugh, turning to look at Castle. "She's so awake today, I've never seen her so vibrant."

She watches as he rounds the counter to stand before her, hands bracketing her hips as he looks down. "Told you she'd be fine. Next thing you know, she'll be running around the loft, climbing the baby gates, going down the stairs on her butt, pulling knives out of the drawe-"

He halts himself as she sucks in a breath, eyebrows up to her hairline over wide eyes, one of her hands slightly fisting the fabric of the girl's dress.

 _Knives?_

He startles as if realizing what had her reacting that way, a hand flying to her own over the now very serious girl's back, coaxing her fingers to loosen their hold. "Kate, Kate, joking. Just a joke."

"Just a joke," she whispers, nodding, her breath stuttering slightly.

She feels more than sees him rise his chin to press a kiss against her forehead, a hand traveling up and down her arm. "Not ready to see her discover the world, are you?"

She chokes on a laugh, tilting her head so as to cover his lips with her own for a gentle yet forceful kiss, his hand cradling her jaw as he pulls away way too soon for her taste.

"You need to talk to someone, Kate."

Smiling sadly, she slowly rocks the girl and shifts her to one arm, using her now free hand to run her fingers over his stubble. "I know. Now go rest, I've got her."

She tracks her eyes over his back as he steps his way toward the bedroom, aware of the girl making soft noises to herself and practically drooling over her arm.

She'd fix herself for them.

Looks like Burke will have been here for almost half the stages of her life.

* * *

"Come on, just hold her, Javi," she laughs as the usually imposing detective now turns soft right before her eyes as he awkwardly reaches for Lily. "You won't break her"

"You better not, I bet Mommy Beckett is scary as hell," she hears Ryan speak out from where he's sitting at the counter with her father, smiling cheekily at her.

She gives him a dark glare just for show, her inner self giggling at the face he pulls before he turns his face away from her, mumbling something she can't hear as her dad laughs, making her drop the act.

"Man, how do you guys do it. She's so tiny I'm scared to _breathe._ "

Amused, she watches as the girl stares at the detective, her little body seeming tense.

"Hey, sweetheart, what's up?" she asks with a lively tone, a hand coming to tickle the sole of the baby's feet, trying to get her to relax. "Don't give me that face, he's all bark no bite, promise," she finishes, winking at the thoughtful face.

"Hey," he huffs, securing his arms around the girl once more.

"Let me hold my niece, look at her face, she looks terrified," she hears Lanie chirp behind her back as she watches her take the girl from Esposito's arm who looks comically indignant.

"Oh my god, Kate, she's so precious!" Lanie squeals as Kate winces, "I'm never giving her back to you." Lanie gives her a look as Kate silently gapes at her, frowning slightly. "Yes, I won't! You're way too adorable, lily flower"

 _Lily Flower. What have they done to that poor kid._

"She's right, you know. And you were just like her." Kate jumps as her dad peers at the girl over Lanie's shoulder and then walks to stand beside her, observing everyone naturally gravitating around her baby with "awwws" and "ooohs" followed by entranced laughs.

She lets her head rest against his shoulder, sighing. "Will it ever get easier ?"

"What, the overwhelming fear that something will go wrong ? Hell no." He kisses her forehead chuckling silently, "It's half the fun."

Kate scoffs, taking her head off his shoulder to check on Castle, still getting dinner ready as Alexis sets the table. She'd been apprehending the young woman's reaction to the baby, their own relationships not being all that great, she wasn't sure how she'd take it. Alexis respects her, they're just not really close but surprisingly, she had seemed pretty excited and had just congratulated them both, stating she was glad she wasn't living at the loft anymore, which Castle hadn't appreciated all that much.

"I meant to thank you, Dad. For her room, and getting someone to clean the loft and. . I'm sorry I haven't called since we talked at the hospital, I just-"

"I know, Katie. You've been through a lot, you needed time." He smiles at her, a hand squeezing her arm. "That case, being shot at - again, finding out you had a baby. Hell, Katie, I don't know how you handled that the way you did, still _do._ "

She swallows hard, tears stinging her eyes as she blinks to keep from letting them fall. "It was hard. Still is, Dad. I- I don't know how to do this," she says quietly, not expliciting more as she stares at the floor.

"You'll get there, sweetie. Your mom would be _so_ proud, I know I am."

Choking on a sob, she throws her arm around her dad's waist, hiding her face against his neck as he rests comforting hands on her back. "It's gonna be okay, and you're not alone. Try to not forget that."

She nods weakly, the back of her hand wiping her cheeks.

"I think you should go get your girl," he laughed just as a wail erupted, the small group spreading to let her get the upset little girl.

A few hours later, when the loft falls quiet again, she feels strong arms circling her waist from behind, feels her husband's chin rest on her shoulder, gently nosing that crook between her shoulder and her neck. "Hey, missed you tonight."

"Missed you too, babe,"she hums letting herself relax in his arms.

"You okay?"

Turning in his arms, she looks up at him, lets herself soak in the love radiating from him. "I'm okay," she says firmly, her gaze hard on him, trying to make him _see_ it. Reaching for his hand, she tugs gently as she walks away. "Let's get back to the bedroom, I don't like having her there alone too long."

"Wherever you'll go, I'll follow." She smiles wide at his words, almost achingly so.

Because she knows he would.

 _TBC_

 ** _Once again, thank you so much for all the feedback. I really didn't think I would get so much. This one was a lil bit more complicated for me, especially because I just *hate* writing a scene with more than two characters, lmao. It's just something hard for me to do, for some reason. I just hope you'll like it, though._**

 ** _Be aware, next chapter will be the last (unless I change my mind but I'm not supposed to) and while it is already kind of outlined, I'll accept requests. So, if there is something you want me to explore, just ask/explain through reviews or pm and I'll see if it can fit._**

 ** _As usual, thank you to alex for helping me trust myself a lil bit more *and* for beta-ing the mess that is my grammar :))_**

 _twitter: Katherinehgt_


End file.
